Tuesday, August 26, 2014

"We all wear masks...metaphorically speaking."

Ten Tuesday anyone? Let's give it a shot.

Ten Mind-Blowing/Unfiltered things I thought about today:

1. The President poops. Like today there was some point where Obama pulled down he pants, had a seat, and did his business while playing candy crush or something. And that applies to EVERYONE: bosses, bus-drivers, models on billboards, that entitled Masshole who almost ran me over with his petty cab, cute baristas, popes...the list is endless. Like it's always in the back of your mind but once you give it some focus...it takes Everybody Poops to a whole new level.

2. My age is 3 cubed....but in terms of a full fledged adult with a fully developed brain I am a toddler. Like, I've had my completely developed brain for less time than the cube root of my age. And some people have toddlers BEFORE their adult brain is a toddler. But to be fair, most people move out of their child bearing years when their adult brain's in its teens, which isn't so weird.

3. The sustenance derived from my blood could be the keystone to generations of mosquitoes. The number of times I've been bitten without catching those horrible skeeters has got to be in the hundreds. Odds are pretty good one of those used my blood to breed and made more nasty suckers. And since mosquitoes kill more people on average than people do, I could be held accountable for biologically kick-starting a horde of mass-murderers. Yikes.

4. Between my brothers and I, odds are 1.5 of us will get cancer. It's an older fact (2007) that says 1 in 2 men will be diagnosed with cancer. So statistically, one of us is drawing the short straw on that one. This once kinda goes the route of the pooping thing earlier when you start thinking about it, but putting it in the context of my family is sobering. Way to bring the whole room down there, Chodos.

5. The heart never stops pumping. Ever. I had a panic attack in late 2013 regarding this fact and every so often it STILL freaks me the heck out. I mean, it's a wonder we live as long as we do. I think my biggest problem with this fact is I tend to sympathize with unusual things and I just feel so bad for the heart. Must be exhausting.

6. I'm a footstep/arm twitch away from death everyday. Anytime a car or bus goes by, or when I'm driving and another car is careening at me at the same speed I'm careening at said car, I think about how simply one could accidentally just tweak the wheel a little and poof. Super dead. And the margin for error is kinda small, like, a couple of feet or so. A COUPLE OF FEET OR SO. Like, not even a car width to give some swerving leeway. For as angry as we can get, drivers are more trusting then children.

7. You never know what anyone's thinking, really. I've talked about this late into the night with my upstairs neighbors, but man good communication is hard. I will never even come close to understanding a fraction of what you experience just because there's too many things blocking the passage of that information. I don't even know if any of this is getting to anyone at all. CAN YOU HEAR ME?! DO YOU KNOW WHAT I AM SAYING?!? SIDH EOFHDUC DHFIHCVOIHAsdhofouhgeigaiugweugfgeoo....aaaaand I'm broken.

8. I've met future famous people when they were just regular jerks. I don't know how plausible this one really is, but there are times where I'd like to say, "You know, I knew so-and-so when he fought with inflatable penises in my basement" or "See that woman on TV? She threw up on me once" or "Sure he's got three Pulitzers, but I farted in his lunchbox in kindergarten." I like it even better that there HAVE to be people that have been there and get to say that. I mean, where's Jon Stewart's middle school girlfriend? Madonna's pediatrician? Newt Gingrich's camp counselor? Do they remember? Do they really care? Do I? Apparently.

9. There is way, way, way, WAY, WAY WAY more space than stuff. We're super wired to see all the stuff we perceive as stuff, but it's really mostly space. I love the quantum theory that it's statistically possible to literally fall through a wall or any other solid object, if the stuff and space line up just right. The idea is just so difficult to hold onto because we're so hard-wired to think: "This tire iron is solid, and when I hit this palm tree with it, they will react as two very solid things." It's just...wacky.

10. The universe is a cold, dark place. I say this a lot, and I've adopted it as a catchphrase when things are weird, or sad, or wonderful, because it is so very true and puts everything into context. Because we are this nearly infinitely small thing, lit and heated in a nearly infinite vastness of freezing cold darkness.

Neil deGrasse sure did a number on me, huh?


Haiku of the Day:
Blank walls leer about
boxes full of precious things
anxious for a home

Today's Drawing (inspired by the word "Mystic" spoken by the random word master, Noah Simes)




Today's "365" Project (Make a mask of something)
"Mr. Nightmare Face"


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