Friendly Friday
I think it's official: My depression has returned. An old friend perched on the top of my head, beating senselessly at my temples. I'm reminded of how much energy and time it takes to push back and ignore those beatings. I feel helpless because I've been here before. I had strategies. But he keeps blindsiding me. It's psychically crippling. I'm reminded of back when I was like this in high school and college, with mounting responsibilities and experiments with medication. I had my angels then, as I have now. People who came to my side when things were darkest. Here are a few vignettes of those that come to mind:
Michelle Dunn saw me with wild eyes walking out of class one of the first weeks of being diagnosed and walked me home in the middle of the school day. We sat in her backyard in silence, and she was just there, and open, no judgement. I crave that space sometimes.
My friends Terry and Wales witnessed a pretty bizarre freak-out in a snowbank my first semester at K. The mania was starting to kick in and they were there to calmly take the dangerous things away from me and let me go. I remember after having expelled so much energy, how knowing that they were there brought such comfort.
I had a teacher in high school, Mrs. Merrill, who would let me sit and bend paper clips when things got tough. She understood that all I needed was a singular, mind-numbing task to work through all the garbage feelings. She would even let me stop by and bend clips when I wasn't in her class.
Starting to go down this road releases all kinds of memories, that I can't do in just one day, so I'm going to leave with these three and revisit some more next week. I'm so very grateful for everyone who's been there in any capacity over the years. Thanks for all the love and support.
Today's Drawing (inspired by the word "oleaginous" from MW's word of the day. I'm going with the second definition: marked by an offensively ingratiating manner or quality.)
Today's "365" Project (This prompt was weird. It involved going into a store and asking to make something there. The first part of the prompt said, "Go Bold" so that's what I'm going with for inspiration.)
"Which is Bolder??"
I think it's official: My depression has returned. An old friend perched on the top of my head, beating senselessly at my temples. I'm reminded of how much energy and time it takes to push back and ignore those beatings. I feel helpless because I've been here before. I had strategies. But he keeps blindsiding me. It's psychically crippling. I'm reminded of back when I was like this in high school and college, with mounting responsibilities and experiments with medication. I had my angels then, as I have now. People who came to my side when things were darkest. Here are a few vignettes of those that come to mind:
Michelle Dunn saw me with wild eyes walking out of class one of the first weeks of being diagnosed and walked me home in the middle of the school day. We sat in her backyard in silence, and she was just there, and open, no judgement. I crave that space sometimes.
My friends Terry and Wales witnessed a pretty bizarre freak-out in a snowbank my first semester at K. The mania was starting to kick in and they were there to calmly take the dangerous things away from me and let me go. I remember after having expelled so much energy, how knowing that they were there brought such comfort.
I had a teacher in high school, Mrs. Merrill, who would let me sit and bend paper clips when things got tough. She understood that all I needed was a singular, mind-numbing task to work through all the garbage feelings. She would even let me stop by and bend clips when I wasn't in her class.
Starting to go down this road releases all kinds of memories, that I can't do in just one day, so I'm going to leave with these three and revisit some more next week. I'm so very grateful for everyone who's been there in any capacity over the years. Thanks for all the love and support.
Haiku of the Day:
Phasing in and out
of my reality planes
is tiresome work
Today's "365" Project (This prompt was weird. It involved going into a store and asking to make something there. The first part of the prompt said, "Go Bold" so that's what I'm going with for inspiration.)
"Which is Bolder??"
Train?
Doritos?
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